yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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