I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
