My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
