I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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