Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
