I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
