you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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