Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
