She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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