Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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