So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
