How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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