he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
