The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
