EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
