wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
