we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
