She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
