I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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