I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
