dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The air taste purple.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
