dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
