i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
