nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
