You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
