He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
