So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
