No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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