So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
