Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
