I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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