Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
