life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
