Im at strip club and am horny
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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