Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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