I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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