yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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