Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
