and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize