He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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