Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize