To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
