She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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