I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
