I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
