if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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