Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
