I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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