Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
