Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
