What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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