non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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