I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
