turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
