I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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