I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize