Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
