i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
