True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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