I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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