my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
