Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
