Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
