I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize