dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
