If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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