I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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