Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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