so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
