And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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