My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
