Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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