You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
