i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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