once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
