All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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