kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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