dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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