Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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