filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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