i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
