I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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