people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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