this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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