My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
