Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
