Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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