I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
