wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
